Choosing Family
by AZGirl
Summary: D'Artagnan hoped that he wouldn't have to choose between duty and family. Missing scene and spoilers for 3.08 Prisoners of War.


**Disclaimer** : The Musketeers are not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

 **Spoilers** : 3.08 Prisoners of War.

.

 **ooooooo**

" _Your loyalty to your cousin is clouding your judgment."_

" _And if I let him die, my conscience will never be clear!"_

 _~~~~~~~Athos & d'Artagnan, 3.08 Prisoners of War_.

 **ooooooo**

"Your loyalty to your cousin is clouding your judgment," Athos said after Porthos gave his opinion on the matter.

"And if I let him die, my conscience will never be clear!" d'Artagnan exclaimed, willing his friend and Captain to understand. "Surely _you_ , of all people, can understand that."

The moment he said the words, he regretted them. He wished he could take them back or even somehow go back in time and never even think them in the first place.

D'Artagnan had seen Athos's expression flicker before it smoothed back into something approximating his usual stoic façade. Approximating was an apt word, for it was far closer to being expressionless and composed of granite than anything else.

It had been very wrong of him to say those words regardless of the kernel of truth behind them. However, his guilt barely had a chance to take hold before shame over his actions flooded his heart and mind.

He had only recently rebuked his cousin, Espoir, over how the younger man's actions would've shamed his father and here he was doing the same thing, though for very different reasons. His father would have been ashamed of him for not only how he was treating his commanding officer, but a commanding officer who was also one of his closest friends.

After rescuing Athos from the fire at the man's estate, the older Musketeer had told him a secret. It was about duty, the law, and guilt. D'Artagnan had kept that secret for many months, and had only admitted to it when Athos himself had informed Aramis and Porthos about Milady. Since that time, and until today, that part of Athos's past had been broached only once – back when his tenants had kidnapped him and taken him back to Pinon.

It was always clear to him that Athos still harbored some guilt over what had happened between himself and Milady – and not just in regards to sentencing her to hang for Thomas's murder. About three years ago, Athos had been overindulging in wine after a particularly devastating battle in which there had been many losses, both Musketeer and regular army. At one point, a couple of bottles in, he had drunkenly admitted to almost deserting the Musketeers in favor of leaving the country with Milady.

Several days after d'Artagnan had married, Athos had apologized profusely to him for leaving the wedding ceremony before its conclusion. D'Artagnan had always assumed it was because of the declaration of war against Spain as well as his friend's unexpected promotion to Captain. That night, d'Artagnan had learned differently while they were recovering from that battle, and he had instantly forgiven his best friend. He was well aware what that kind of fiery passion could induce a man to do.

Having been too late to meet Milady due to his lingering indecision, Athos had instead done his duty to his king and country. That he never got to see his wife again had always been a sore spot for him, but it had been out of his hands.

His careless words, though said in the heat of the moment and out of fear for his cousin's life, had brought that all back for Athos. His friend had certainly not needed to be reminded of that woman. He should have held his tongue, but his Gascon temper had taken control of it and he'd said something he never would have mentioned had he been thinking clearly.

Athos had been struggling with his feelings of guilt over his actions regarding his past for far too long now. During the last four years, the burdens of leadership and the atrocities of war had brought new guilt upon Athos as Captain of the Musketeers. The old guilt was still there, but it had been muted by time and finally pushed aside.

His careless and unkind words had forcibly brought that past back into the light. What kind of friend was he to do such a thing? Could Athos ever forgive him?

D'Artagnan had no idea how long the silence had reigned before he finally decided to break it.

"Athos, I am—"

"D'Artagnan, please," Athos interrupted, holding a hand up to stop him from continuing to apologize.

He considered disregarding the plea, but did not want to continue to be insubordinate in his actions with his Captain. Athos had always given him and Porthos a certain amount of leeway over the years, but both of them had made sure to not take advantage of it. He would not do so now. Keeping silent, he tilted his head to indicate that he was listening.

Athos must have seen his momentary struggle with how to respond, because one side of the man's mouth quirked up in amusement.

"Do you understand why I am concerned?"

D'Artagnan nodded. This whole situation with his cousin couldn't have come at a worse time.

"Your cousin was to be hanged for being a thief," Athos added. "Do you think he was telling the truth about only stealing bread so that he could live?"

D'Artagnan almost nodded, but in truth, he wasn't completely certain. Espoir had said that he had been unable to find an honest living. Therefore, it didn't stretch the imagination too much to infer that his cousin had made a dishonest living as a thief. Being caught for stealing bread was likely just the first time he'd been apprehended by the authorities, and he said as much to Athos.

"I don't want to believe it, but I have reason to think that this might not be Espoir's first criminal act."

"I see," Athos said, making d'Artagnan worry that his request to help Espoir would be denied.

"Athos, I apologize for my unthinking and unkind words. Espoir is one of the very few members of my family left alive; I had to try and help him. His farm was burned down around the same time as my father's. I was fortunate to find my calling here with the Musketeers, but Espoir did not have the same opportunities as I did. He is trying to survive in a world at war. We both know how difficult that is.

D'Artagnan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Aramis is my brother in all but blood… as is Porthos… as are you, but Espoir is also my family. Aramis's life hangs in the balance and I'm desperate to see him rescued, safe from harm. But the same is also true for my cousin. Please do not make me have to choose between family."

When d'Artagnan finished speaking, Athos did not immediately respond to his impassioned plea. He was truly sorry for his words, and was very much hoping he wouldn't have to choose between duty and family.

All of a sudden, Athos stood from his chair. He placed his hands flat on the desk and shifted to lean on them. His friend looked down at his desk for a moment, sighing before looking up and meeting his eyes.

"D'Artagnan, I know you did not mean to be so harsh with your words. However, your actions at the gallows on behalf of your cousin almost cost us the Spanish prisoners and consequently, Aramis's life. We cannot afford to be distracted in our mission."

He hung his head in shame, preparing himself for bad news.

"However, your cousin may come with us," Athos quietly said.

With those words, d'Artagnan's jerked up to meet Athos's eyes where he could see the truth of the statement he had briefly thought he had imagined.

Gratitude blossomed within d'Artagnan's chest, but before he could express even one tenth of it to Athos, his friend said, "Go help Porthos, I will be out momentarily."

As he walked out into the courtyard, he sought out his cousin in order to give him the good news. From Porthos's expression, he could tell that the older man was not happy about Athos's decision. He loved Porthos, but he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty over the supposed distraction Espoir was creating. He was confident that it would not prevent them from rescuing Aramis.

He had not been able to save his father's life, but he would be able to save his cousin from being executed. And together, he and his friends would complete their mission and save Aramis's life.

ooooooo

D'Artagnan noticed that, when Athos finally joined them, his friend wouldn't look at him. He had faith in their friendship, and hoped that things between him and Athos would not remain on rocky ground for much longer.

Standing between him and Porthos, Captain Athos said, "The rendezvous is half a day's ride from Paris. After that—"

"He'll be gone," d'Artagnan interrupted. "I swear."

"I'll not have this mission compromised," Athos said as he walked away.

 _Neither will I_ , thought d'Artagnan. _I just want both Aramis_ _and_ _my cousin to live._

ooooooo

 _The end._

 **ooooooo**

 **.**

 **A/N:** I included some dialogue from episode 8, written by James Payne, at the beginning and end of this story.

Many thanks to Celticgal1041 for catching my mistakes; any remaining ones are my fault.

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


End file.
